In our highly individualized culture, it’s common to hear people say things like: “find yourself before you find love.”
But actually, science is telling us the opposite is true: finding the one you love helps you find yourself.
It’s called The Dependency Paradox, and in a nutshell, it says that the more effectively dependent people are on one another, the more self-reliant and motivated they become.
That’s right. You become more independent and daring when you know there is someone there to support you in case you fall.
People who don’t want to be “tied down” in a relationship because they want to pursue their goals have actually been sold a lie — because you canhave both love and success. In fact, one often leads to the other.
In their new book Attached, Amir Levine and Rachel Heller say: “The need for someone to share our lives with is part of our genetic makeup and has nothing to do with how much we love ourselves or how fulfilled we feel on our own.”
“Once we choose someone special, powerful and often uncontrollable forces come into play. New patterns of behavior kick in regardless of how independent we are and despite our conscious wills.”
They continue: “If you want to take the road to independence and happiness, find the right person you can depend on and travel down that road with that person.”
It’s no wonder then that the average millionaire gets married early.
So love is really all you need, because everything else follows.
