We always teach our children to be honest. Which is ridiculous, really, when you think about it. Some say that the truth is over-rated. They may or may not be right, but it certainly is underused. Lies of one kind or another — let’s call them “loving lies“ — dominate family life. Here are just a few of them.
- Мommy and daddy know best
Half the time, Mommy and Daddy don’t have a clue what they’re doing. This is true of most of the adult world. - Those funny noises you heard coming from Mommy and Daddy’s bedroom last night were just Mommy and Daddy playing
They were having sex. - Those shoes will see you through another school year
Mommy and Daddy are too cheap to buy you a new pair when you’re only going to grow out of them again in six months. - When you die you go to heaven
There is oblivion and you are burned or eaten by worms. That’s right, you shouldn’t have asked. - Mommy and Daddy are not having an argument, they are just having a disagreement
Do you know the saying, ”If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck?” - If we don’t punish you, you won’t learn for next time
It probably won’t make any difference to the next time, but it makes Mommy and Daddy feel powerful. - Mommy and Daddy would never do anything to hurt you
Mommies and Daddies do a lot of things that they don’t understand the consequences of. - Eat up your five, sorry, seven a day, and you will live a long and healthy life
It’s just one factor in a thousand imponderables. The question of your mortality is highly arbitrary. You could die tomorrow. - What goes around comes around
Grownups who study the mind have a name for this belief — the just-world theory. It has been disproven many times, but lots of people still believe it. In reality, bad behaviour often goes unpunished and good behaviour unrewarded. Worth bearing in mind if you want to grow up to be a businessman or a politician. - Mommy and Daddy will not be disappointed if you don’t pass your exams
If they are good people, they won’t be disappointed in you — at least if you’ve done your best. But they probably will be disappointed.
- You’re the most beautiful/special child on the planet
Statistically, this probably isn’t true. - Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet
Or they may be predatory paedophiles. - You should never lie
At least not until you’re proficient enough to get away with it. And also when it comes to Mommy’s new shoes. - The animal kingdom is cute and lovable
Most animals if they were big enough and had sharp enough teeth would kill and eat you as soon as look at you. - You can’t walk to school by yourself because you might get run over
You can’t walk to school by yourself because Mommy and Daddy are dominated by irrational fears and have a poor understanding of the mathematics of risk. - Mommy/Daddy isn’t drunk, they are just merry
They’re actually very drunk. - We’re almost there
There’s actually still half the journey left to do. - Money doesn’t matter
Only if you have all-powerful giants giving you everything for free. - I don’t know!
We know. We’re just so tired of all your questions. - Santa Claus exists
You’ll say the same to your kids when you grow up.
