1. Saying “I love you” immediately before, during, or following sex doesn’t count.

2. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.

3. I like it when you tell me what you’re thinking, even if you don’t know yourself.

4. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.

5. “Fine” is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

6. I’m terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.

7. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.

8. I’m more forgiving of you than I really should be.

9. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card.

10. You did something bad. I said ‘It’s fine.’ It’s not.

11. If I’m not having sex with you, I’m having a fat day.

12. Shoes determine whether you’re fashionable or not.

13. A text from you can often be a turn-on itself.

14. You look hot in hooded clothing items.

15. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.

16. I’m very impressed when you ask for my advice.

17. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.

18. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.

19. You’re sexy when you’re shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.

20. (Good) surprises are welcomed.

21. Discussion of ex-gf’s and ex-bf’s should be avoided at all times.

22. I’m convinced I’m pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.

23. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it’s only been a few months, earns major bonus points.

24. I love it when you’re sweaty.

25. It’s best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.

26. I can also appreciate p*rn.

27. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.

28. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.

29. I remember everything about our relationship.

30. You should know all this and more without my telling you.

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