21 Brilliant Analogies That Will Change Your Outlook On Everyday Life

by | Jun 26, 2015 | New, Other | 0 comments

Things won’t be the same, but they won’t be too different.

1.

Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a pigeon. It will shit all over the board and strut around as if it won.

2.

Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

3.

Cats are like dogs for lazy people.

4.

Being nice with the main hope of going to Heaven is the moral equivalent of being nice to a girl just so she'll sleep with you.

5.

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.

6.

"Regular" marriage and "Gay" marriage are like bikini tops and bras. Exactly the same thing, yet only one is allowed in public.

7.

I loved you head over handles like my first bicycle accident — before the mouthful of gravel and blood, I swore we were flying..

8.

This day is moving slower than a snail moving backwards on a turtle moving forwards.

9.

This is about as useful as rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

10.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

11.

Politicians are like sperm. One in a million turn out to be an actual human being.
Photo by Peiling Tan / Flickr (modified)

12.

Success is like being pregnant. Everyone congratulates you, but no one knows how many times you got fucked.

13.

Boob sizes are like Coke and Pepsi. People have a preference, but they'll take either one.

14.

Be involved in things but don't commit. It's like eggs and bacon. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.

15.

Women are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

16.

Shrooms are fantasy. Acid is science fiction.

17.

Having a child is like having a dog, only it's more expensive and doesn't love you as much.

18.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it is probably shit.

19.

Fear is the microwaveable version of respect. It's not as good but it's a lot faster.
Photo by Ryan Li / Flickr (modified)

20.

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

21.

Analogy is like a thought with another thought's hat on.

Analogies are awesome.

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