2. Hang unworn socks over a fireplace when they’re already dry.
3. Eat candy from those socks.
4. Wrap gifts in essentially trash paper.
5. Tell kids an old man is going to invade the house one night.
6. Mix alcohol with milk and raw eggs.
7. Prop up a dead tree in your living room.
8. String perfectly good popcorn around the tree.
9. Light candles when there isn’t a power outage.
10. Sing, “You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,” when you don’t.
11. Celebrate a reindeer with an untreated nose infection.
12. Anything with elves.
13. Risk severe injury to string up some lights on your house.
14. Justify kissing someone because of a plant on the ceiling.
15. Flap your arms and legs in wet snow as if it’s not uncomfortable.
16. Leave milk and cookies out for no one, on purpose.
17. Eat peppermint candy shaped like walking aids.
18. Seek out ugly sweaters.
19. Sing about a grandmother getting stampeded by caribou.
20. Wear stocking caps that don’t fit anyone’s natural head shape.
21. Tell kids you bought them a toy elf that spies on them 24/7.
22. Build a snowman that’s anatomically impossible.
23. Pretend he’s Parson Brown.
24. Think a carrot looks like a nose.
25. Believe a corncob pipe isn’t part of an unhealthy lifestyle.
26. Slave over ice sculptures that are just going to melt.
27. Eat cake that literally has a one-year shelf life.
28. Think “ho ho ho” sounds like a natural laugh.
29. Drive around to look at other people’s exterior lights.
30. Send letters to an uninhabitable place where there isn’t a post office.
31. Wear ridiculously pointy slippers.
32. Spend hours over gifts for people you don’t even know that well.
33. Watch some tall, decorated tree in New York get plugged in.
34. Ring bells for no reason.
35. Crack nuts with inefficient toy figurines.
36. Hide a pickle.
37. Say the word “merry” a lot.
38. Feel compelled to wear red and green.
39. Listen to vocal jazz when you never would otherwise.
40. Bite the legs of human-shaped gingerbread cookies.
41. Adore specific songs without knowing who sang them.
42. Drink wine at church.
43. Watch a virtual burning yule log.
44. Dress up when you’re only going to your family’s house.
45. Treat chocolate coins as currency.
46. Spend time with people you don’t really like.
47. Devour cookies designed to look like inedible objects.
48. Sing to strangers whether they like it or not.
49. Buy fake snow when the real thing is free.
50. Give people stuff they very well might not want in the first place.
51. Hang up snowflake decorations in climates where it can’t snow.
52. Get really into spinning tops.
53. Make miniature gingerbread houses with painted-on windows.
54. Put antlers on dogs.
55. Stuff bread crumbs into a dead bird.
56. Watch the TV broadcast of a movie you already own.
57. Nod at the phrase “Bah, humbug” but not know what “humbug” means.
58. Threaten people with lumps of coal.
59. Eat snow.