1. The first thing you must do when you get indoors is take off your shoes.
2. If you don’t do that, you risk freezing your ovaries.
Which is apparently real and the direct consequence of walking around barefoot, according to your mum.
3. Actually, any ailment is the direct consequence of not wearing your slippers.
4. You were raised believing a whole load of superstitions.
Whistling indoors = whistling your fortune away.
5. Extracurricular after-school activities were a must.
You either had to learn a musical instrument or a sport, or both.
6. Birthdays always entail half a dozen very long calls from relatives.
During which they wish you literally every single positive thing that you could wish someone, and you do the same in return, then you spend a further 10 minutes saying goodbye.
7. The rudest thing you can do is not offer a guest anything to eat.
And the most civil thing to do is offer them literally all the food you have.
8. That table probably had a special tablecloth on it that your mum had saved especially for this occasion.
9. And you spent the day preparing incredibly elaborate “salads”.
These tend to be more mayonnaise than vegetable.
10. If you’re also from Central Asia, maybe you made these at every special event.
11. Then, when everyone is settled, come the inevitable toasts.
They are always incredibly elaborate, with the speaker occasionally forgetting why they’re standing up holding up their glass because their anecdote took so long.
12. Then, when everyone is sufficiently drunk and full, everyone would put on ~classic Soviet hits~ and have a little dance.
Probably to Alla Pugacheva or Kirkorov.
13. You probably have an acoustic guitar, even if no one in your family plays.
14. Many of your family members and friends are “engineers”.
Where “engineer” can refer to almost any technical profession:
Construction manager? Engineer.
15. You probably have a good number of scientists and doctors in your family circle, too.
16. Every New Year’s Eve involved having the TV playing the New Year’s concert.
Featuring the same stars that have been performing for decades.
17. The best part, though, was the old Soviet cartoons.
Vinni Puh > Winnie the Pooh.